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Addictions As a Relationship
You have addictions because you are in pain. You have addictions
because you do not have a complete relationship with your sensory and
emotional experiences. When you do not feel, you end up developing addictions
as a way to make the pain go away. Addictions are a way to numb out.
When you cannot say "I hurt" or "I am in pain," you are more likely
to use a host of addictions to alter your moods. You have addictions because
you find it difficult to relax, normal to repress your emotions, and socially
unacceptable to grieve the physical traumas that afflict you.
The following is my definition of addiction.
An addiction is a relationship with a person, object, thought,
emotion or behavior that attempts to numb out
an uncomfortable sensation or emotion.
The Equation
Addictions are about relationships. When you can stop blaming a plant
or a drug for your pain, then you can begin to heal the relationship that you
have with that drug or plant. How you use a plant, thought or behavior is much
more important than the thing itself. It is your relationships with thoughts,
behavior, emotions, people, and objects that determine your addictions.
The key to understanding addictions is to uncover the relationship
that you have with people, behavior, thoughts, objects and emotions in your
life that prevents you from feeling your feelings. I find a very simple way to
think about addictions is to put the concept into an equation. The equation
would be something like this: repressed feelings equal addictions.
Your out of control eating habits are not about food; they are about
loneliness. A drinking problem has nothing to do with the inability to
control the amount of alcohol consumed; it is about not wanting to feel
anger. Compulsive prayer is not about feeling close to God; it is about not
being able to honor the sadness inside.