Return to Nature - The Five Pillars of Healing Page 10

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RETURN TO NATURE

You can hardly wait to see your pack of cigarettes, full plate of

food or bottle of wine. Just as you might think about a loved one all day
long, greatly anticipating your next meeting, the same is true with your
addictions. You cannot wait to get to the bar, poker game or gym in order to
numb your feelings. You begin to drool before your next shopping trip. Just
thinking about the mall or what possible sales are going on really makes
you anxious. You might tingle with goose bumps at the mere thought of
your next meditation session. Your addictions have become your intimate
relationships that you use to mask your authentic feelings.

Just like the people in your life with whom you have intimate

relationships, you tend to plan your day around your intimate relationships
with your addictions. You might need to plan your day around your addiction
to your pets. You need to plan your weekend and nightly activities in order
to not feel lonely. Perhaps you decide to rent a couple of movies, have some
friends over or call a friend to go to a movie. You will do almost anything in
order to not feel lonely. You spend a good part of the workday planning on
how not to feel alone when you finally do arrive home.

You are consumed with thinking about your addictions. You cannot

stop thinking about food. The thought, "If I only had something to eat I
would certainly feel better," frequently goes through your mind throughout
the day. You might be constantly thinking about sex; every woman (or man)
becomes an object. Your thoughts are constantly fantasizing about having
sex with this person in order to not feel your own feelings. "Isn't it time for
another cigarette," or "I really need another cup of coffee," becomes your
mind's rhetoric. The candy machine down the hall becomes your lover. You
cannot go anywhere without your Bible. Even though you just had a piece
of chewing gum, you constantly fantasize about having another one. Unless
you deal with your pain, you will use whatever feels good to cover up your
pain.

These thoughts of your addictions often consume your entire day.

All day long, at work and at home, you might count the minutes until you
can have a couple of beers at "happy hour." "Just one more hour of work
and then I can go and `relax' with a couple of drinks." "If I can just make
it through the next appointment, then I can go home and sleep away my
anxiety." (Yes, even sleep can be used addictively). When you are feeling
fear, you might need to seduce some naive person to take away your pain.
Even such simple behaviors like hand washing or locking the door can be
considered part of the addiction cycle.